does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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