Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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