Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
