I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
