Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
