My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
