after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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