call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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