the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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