it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize