You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
