She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
