i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
worst night to have a conscience
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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