I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Randomize
