You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
