why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
