What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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