my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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