They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
