have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
