We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
