I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
pop tarts are not kleenex
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
