I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
