So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Is Oprah even human
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
