I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
This baby is an asshole
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
