Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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