i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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