i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
honey bunches of taint.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
