those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
