His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
