I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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