i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
