His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
