I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
