Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
