i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize