I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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