either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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