Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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