just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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