he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize