tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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