Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
