hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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