Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
