is your mom at the bar?
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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