Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
