just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
