so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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