she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
