i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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