Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
