I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
