I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
