I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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