If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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