please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
