I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
we made out on top of his cat.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
