im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize