Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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