What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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