my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
