I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
