i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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