Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
