Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I cockslap morals
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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